A lot of people who transition tend to forget that while this is a journey for you it’s also a journey for others around you. I’m not saying you should give into transphobia, that’s not what I’m saying in the slightest.
I came out in 2013, right after band practice. I remember it very vividly: I had been dropping a few hints here and there, as if my mom would catch on, as if she just knew this was it… this was the day her child would come out to her. It was around nine p.m. on a Tuesday night. We got home, and I said to her, ‘I have something to tell you.’ I rushed to my bedroom and grabbed the book I had been reading for about five months prior. Now I just want to be clear that it didn’t take me five months to read the book, I had been reading it over and over again because I just felt so seen and connected the book was called ‘Transition: The Story of How I Became a Man’ by Chaz Bono.
I rushed back to my mom, handed her the book, and said, ‘I’m pretty sure I’m a guy.’ My mom looked me in the eye and said, ‘I still love you. I had guessed something was up when you were young.” My mom is literally the most caring and loving human being I have met (I’m not just saying that to say it) and as her coming from a christian background I was even more scared to come out, just due to the label of being anti-lgbtq that the christian community always gets.
After my mom started to adjust to everything, I then moved on to telling my teachers at school. Next, I wrote letters by hand to family members. The funny thing is, though, that after I did all that and socially transitioned for the rest of my sophomore, junior, and senior years of high school, I started to have some doubts. Maybe this wasn’t me; maybe I was just a butch lesbian who hadn’t found the right partner. I had only ever been attracted to one girl growing up, but I had never felt like I could nor wanted to act on it. She knew, though and we are still friends to this day.
After high school I wasn’t doing much, I attempted college but flunked out so when 2016 rolled by, what was supposed to be a two-week visit to family ended up being a complete move on my end to Louisiana. I was eager to gain some experience in the job market, as everywhere I turned, companies were hiring, unlike back home. I landed a job at Taco Bell near my cousin’s house, and about three weeks into that job, I started taking classes to become a Certified Nursing Assistant. I was working at Taco Bell full-time while attending classes full-time, but none of my coworkers or teachers knew about my social transition. At that point, I didn’t care; if you perceived me as a man, then I was a man to you, and if you perceived me as a woman, then I was a woman to you. I didn’t feel a need nor an urgency to correct someone.
My aunt, may her soul rest in peace, was like a second mom to me. Although she was the one who always pushed for me to express my feminine side more than my mom did. She would always buy me feminine clothing when we were out shopping — bras, underwear, whatever was cute and girly. She would get it for me, and we would make deals about when I would wear it. In a way it helped me with my transition and learning about myself more.
My eyes had been opened: I wasn’t into females. It didn’t matter if I was considered a ‘tomboy’ or ‘butch’ because of how I dressed. I simply wasn’t attracted to females enough to want to be in a physical or emotional relationship with one. I had always been attracted to men. Things shifted in my mind, and I went on YouTube to find helpful videos about some trans characters. It wasn’t widely known back then, but things were improving. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that I was indeed a gay man.
One day, after a night of work at the nursing home, chat with my mom, catching up about various things. I knew she would always love me no matter what, but I still felt it was important to tell her again. That night, I came out to my mom once more and told her I was planning to move back home to transition medically. She was again very supportive; however, she wasn’t sure if her insurance would cover anything related to gender reassignment or gender transition.
I moved back home in January 2019. I called up an endocrinologist in the area that was covered under our insurance and explained my situation. She put in a referral for me to get a blood test and see the doctor. In April of that year, I arrived at my appointment. I had been doing all the research I could on hormone replacement therapy, specifically testosterone and its effects, and what I should expect. Which we all know isn’t a lot, but it’s enough to give you some expectations on what to expect.
While my doctor was getting everything ready, he left the room and said, ‘We’ve got one here changing.’ It was pretty funny at the time, but over the years, I continue to think about that interaction. The only thing that changed about me is that I now have testosterone in my system. That’s all, though; I’m still who I have always been, but I am happier and more vibrant than I was before.
It was about four months later, and I brought up to my mom after a family breakfast that I was planning on changing my name. Y’all, my mom, like I said, is the most caring and compassionate person. She said, ‘What are you changing it to? You’re an adult; you can do what you want, but I will miss calling you by the name I picked out cause you’ll always be my baby.’ Although my name was very gender-neutral, I never connected to it growing up. Even if I hadn’t transitioned eventually a name change would have happened.
My voice was changing day by day, I was feeling more and more like myself. I was more active, happy and more open to doing things. My family could see the difference and my friends as well.
Transitioning isn’t something that happens overnight; it is a process. It takes time, and you need patience. There is so much that I discovered about myself, and so much that you will discover about yourself as well in your journey. Please don’t feel like you have to rush into anything. Don’t feel like you need to compare yourself with others who are transitioning. Take your time.
It has been five years into my medical journey. I have lost friends who were transphobic and didn’t want to acknowledge that I was changing. I have also had friends who were just unsupportive because they didn’t want to think beyond what they knew religiously, politically, and even because of how they grew up. This 5 year journey couldn’t have happened so smoothly without the support of my family and friends.
Transitioning wasn't just a journey I embarked on alone; it became a shared experience with those around me. They have been my pillars, holding me up and enveloping me in love every single day. Remember, you are enveloped in love too, and this journey doesn't have to be a solitary one. Family extends beyond the bounds of blood; it's the network of support and understanding we build along the way. Together, we navigate this path of discovery, growth, and acceptance, finding strength in each other's stories and resilience.
Know you are loved. ❤️🫂
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